what is this?

I’m in a situation right now where a certain amount of stasis is taking place. I just want to scream and argue, but an unspoken truce occurred somewhere. Everything went back to how it was before the fighting started, but now I’ve become uncomfortable with this awkwardness that comes with two people ignoring what’s on the tips of their tongues; instead, they’re opting to act like nothing is wrong. I’m kind of tired of pretending right now.

“I’m tired of arguing.” I can’t believe I gave him the power to decide when we should stop talking about our problems. “If you’re looking for a fight look somewhere else.” I shouldn’t have let that slide.

All I want to do right now is to bring this fight up again. I want to ask him how he would feel if I started anyone. “That’s awesome!” I expect him to say. Wrong answer. I know that if he ever started seeing someone I would be utterly crushed. That isn’t fair, and I don’t think it’s fair for me to keep this guy around if it’s just going to turn out bad for me, and me only.

Oh, unrequited love. Why must I always be the one?