Post

I recently read a post on Tumblr to which someone said to the writer, “You need love.” That got me thinking. And then, low and behold, a few posts down on my dashboard was a quote from someone that said (paraphrasing here), “Love is a feeling of anxiousness of another person’s well-being.” Now, these two posts really struck a cord with me because I’ve been going though a great deal right now about the idea of love. You see,  I’m not a hundred-percent sure it exists. I ponder the existence of love the same way I think about the presence of God— I simply don’t like to think about it at all.

A few weeks ago I realized I was in love with someone. It was one of those slightly aching feelings that creep up into a giant mess of heartache. It scares me to think about how much of my time was spent wondering if he was okay (he was going through some things). It’s now, only in retrospect, that I realize how much of a jerk he was. I had blinders on. I decided a few weeks ago that I would start the arduous task of cutting this guy out of my life. Even in my hatred for this guy, I’m starting the process slowly; seeding the thought and then, cutting the cord.

I decided to cut him out of my life a few weeks ago, and I thought it was going to be hard. But so far, its been surprising easy— almost blissful. It feels like the closer I get to cutting this guy off completely, the weight on my shoulders start to get less and less.

If there’s anything I want everyone out there to now, it’s that you should never keep someone in your life that makes you feel like shit. You cut that fucker out. No one should make you feel like less of a human being. Everyone needs love— and if someone doesn’t want to accept your love, he’s a fucking idiot with bigger problems than you want to get involved in. Fuck him. Someone else will make you more happy than you thought you’d ever be with that fucktard. :)

EDIT: I’m an idiot. I just clicked, #Zach Gilford because I was like, “Oh my god. This dude looks really, really familiar… I’ve seen him in real life.” Sure enough, he was in Off The Map, which filmed here in Honolulu. So, I was like, “Oh awesome, maybe he came into the store….” And then more pictures down, I realize, HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE GUY I AM CUTTING OUT. Exactly. They’re identical twins!
Now I’m frustrated with myself and I kinda want to light myself on fire.